for the past

Dear x,

I’m sorry—
For the way I forced myself upon you,
For the way I kept pushing you to be someone
You never wanted to be.
I placed my expectations on your shoulders
And measured your love against them.
It was my first time falling—
And I stumbled.

I would love to see you again.
But I can’t promise I won’t reach for your hand,
Or ache to sit beside you,
Quietly, just being.
Still, the truth is—
I want to keep my distance.
I don’t want to text you first.
I want space.
I want time.
And maybe, in some softer world,
Our paths will cross again.

And if they do—
I hope we fall in love again,
Gently,
Healthily,
With grace born of everything
We’ve lived and learned.

I won’t blame us anymore.
Love is confusing.
We were new at this.
We were allowed to falter.

Between us,
You gave more space.
I know I was overbearing,
And now, understandably,
You feel uncomfortable around me.
You don’t want to meet.
That’s fair.

I hope your new love is warm and joyful.
She seems smitten—and I get it.
You’re incredibly easy to love.

We were just a blip in the universe—
Two stars that touched briefly
Before drifting back
Into our own skies.
We have different paths now.
I don’t know when they’ll cross again.
But I believe they will.

And when they do—
I’ll be better.
I’ll listen to my gut.
I’ll stop betraying my own instincts
And blaming you for the fallout.
I won’t be that person again.

I could’ve said all this on WhatsApp.
But you’d probably tell me
You don’t have the bandwidth.
You’d push me away—again.
You’d remind me
That I’m too much.

Maybe I was.

I wish I could’ve loved you more.
But lately, I’ve realized—
You can only love someone
As deeply as you love yourself.

And I’m still learning
What to do with my time,
My silence,
My aloneness.

You were too close to me
For me to fake a smile.
But I hope one day,
I meet you again—
And I smile at you
Because I mean it.

And I hope—
Truly—
That you smile back.